Paying The Bill
i couldn’t fall asleep last night and i wrote this (i was a bit angry, so it is harsher than it needs to be but oh well)
Am I
too cryptic, too sexual
too rough for you
while I know that you are upset that you can’t break through
I always assumed that we were both getting our fill,
That you were
bound to me
part of me
the middle
the finish
start of me
and not just, paying the bill.
Things always seem really perfect
Curves fit to curves
Skin against skin
Luminescent and crystallized
Things always seem really perfect
Until you are looking at them through someone else’s eyes
You need to be held
And I feel physically sick, pain in my hands
When I’m upset
And I assumed that
Guys are so fundamentally sexual that they
would gleefully take whatever they could get
but in reality I just didn’t, an still don’t understand guys
like you were a puzzle
like you’re just paying the bill,
like you don’t understand why I have tears in my eyes
you are, not sugar sweet, because sugar is something that must be added
and you have enough caring to paint me with your love
a concept I still can’t fully grasp, or define
I know I am
Spoiled by you
That I might never again regain my bearings
Find a guy who is so understanding, so affectionate and caring
I am a novelty to you,
The likes of which you have never experienced in a girl
And I assumed that your goodness would reflect off of me
Back onto you like I was semi precious stones,
Amethyst,
Peridot
Amber,
Mother of pearl
I am
Blinded by vision, crystallization, a view
That I realized tonight, for the first time,
Might not be true
You say don’t fret,
But I have looking glass love,
Sweetheart, darling, a real keeper,
I now see
Mirrors are just glass,
Glass is thin
And you can always go deeper
Things always seem really perfect
perfect until you see, at last
that break a mirror,
and you will get shattered glass.
